*muttering*

There's been a lot of muttering going on recently. Mostly, it's curse words. And threats about spanking the baby with large wet noodles. And then some more cursing.

Remember that brief week and a half or so just past the first trimester when everything felt pretty good and the GI stuff went away? Or the couple of weeks I had at the beginning of the third trimester when I felt great? Yeah, me too. Fondly. The party is once again over.

Heartburn like you would not believe coupled with insane acid reflux. Antacids are helping but not solving this problem. My GI tract has slowed down again too so even though I'm starving there's literally no room to put food. So I'm constipated, followed by massive bouts of intestinal cramping and diarrhea. Awesome. It's like the first trimestser, only so much more uncomfortable because now there's a FREAKING HUMAN BEING in my abdomen. Not a cute little sea-monkey sized one either, but a freaking baby-sized human being with limbs that poke out at odd angles all the time.

I now have feet in my diaphragm and for those of you who think that might be a euphemism for something sexy-NO. Actual pointy little baby feet sticking into my muscle. So that when I forget about them and take a deep breath, I slam the muscle into tiny pointy feet and it HURTS.

A lot.

Add to this the wonder that is the baby attempting to screw his head into position several times a day against my pelvic floor and I'm just not a very happy camper these days. I know women who LOVE being pregnant. I'm not one of them. Four weeks of feeling great and enjoying pregnancy vs. 30 weeks of misery. It certainly has been what you could call an interesting experience and I'm sure it will be worth it when I have a baby to hold; but, oy with the discomfort and the ready for this to be done already!

Also, have I mentioned there's a FREAKING HUMAN BEING living in me? My body may have been designed with a rental unit built in but I'm really, really, really, REALLY ready to have it back to myself now.