Musings

Something that has been bothering me for some time now:

Do vegans swallow?

I'd really like to know but I don't know any strict vegans to ask. Do any of you?

As for the baby front, things are going pretty well. He's had several bouts of constipation which has made him a bit cranky. I continue to really enjoy being a stay at home mom, which still surprises me. I get to hang out with this cool little man all day. Nine pm is about the time I'm done with him though. Nine rolls around and I begin to wonder why there is still a baby on me. Jon usually takes bedtime for this reason. Naps continue to be confusing and challenging as they vary in duration and number. In the last week or so he seems to be settling into a system of nap, eat, activity, snack, nap. This works well for me so I'm trying to encourage it.

My in-laws were in town for a week and it was a surprisingly nice visit. Last time they would only hold the baby if he was clean and sleeping; but in the intervening months they seem to have remembered that they raised two children and they were really helpful this time. Our main problem continues to be that, other than Jon, we don't have a lot in common. I don't follow politics particularly and we don't like the same shows or movies. I don't know the people they talk about and vice versa so we usually end up sitting around and staring at one another. This visit, instead of staring at me they sat and interacted with the baby. Phew! It was a tremendous relief. I often feel pressured to try and entertain them which can be difficult. My mom will go and read a book and my dad will take himself off to go do something when he's bored but I can't tell when my in-laws are bored or just hanging out. They babysat one evening for us and we got to have a lovely dinner at The Melting Pot and go grocery shopping. It was so relaxing. And one night Jon and Edward took them out to dinner and I had the entire house to myself for four hours. It was AWESOME! I hadn't been alone in the house for any length of time since Edward was born. I plan to have Jon take him out for several hours at least once a month now. I had a glass of wine, took off my pants (one of the downsides of houseguests is that you have to wear pants), and watched a movie and read a book.

I still really want to know if vegans swallow.

A Crap-tacular Day

This morning I woke up feeling sick (possibly as a result of having eaten too much yesterday) and ended up spending the majority of the morning and early afternoon having horrible diarrhea and intestinal cramps. The baby had his vaccinations yesterday and wasn't feeling too chipper today either. He wanted lots of nursing and cuddling and, unfortunately, I just wasn't up to it. It took me more than an hour and a half to change his diaper, get him dressed, and fed. During this time I made 8 or 9 trips to the bathroom. And once, while I was attempting to finish putting on his clean clothes, I experienced a bit of containment failure. Yup, I crapped my pants a little.

After all of that I was hoping the baby would take a nap but he wanted to play. So I put him in his crib with his playmat and tried to make a little something to eat. I returned to find that he had crapped his pants a whole lot and it was now all over his pants, shirt, playmat, sheet, and mattress. Before I could even attempt to clean him up though I had to run to the bathroom for me again. This was when I called my husband to come home from work. By the time he arrived home, I had the baby bathed, the clothes and linens in the washing machine, and the child was asleep. But at least he was there and that made me feel a tiny bit better.

All in all, a most crap-tacular day.

Finding Our Own Style

One of the hardest things for me about becoming a parent has been filtering through the wealth of information to find what works for me. For example, new moms are encouraged to get out and see people, to ge involved in groups, and to socialize with other new moms. This is supposed to help the new mother with feelings of isolation. And I'm sure that it does.

However, I hate large groups of strangers. I forced myself to attend the mother/baby class at the hospital three or four times. And I learned some great information. I've watched my friend S. mother over the last year and she is always involved in something. She's an excellent mother and I tried to emulate her by attempting to "get involved". Which was when I came face to face with the reality that my friend is an extrovert in the extreme and I, well, I'm not. I like poeple. But I really don't like large groups-especially of people I don't know. I've had to really struggle to come to a place where that's okay for me in my new role as a mother.

I'm not exactly sure why I thought motherhood would change this particular personality trait but I did. Instead I've reconnected with an old friend who recently had a baby as well and we're meeting once a week to take a walk and talk. There are usually three of us and it's lovely. Yesterday I took the baby with me to a coffee house where we sat and I read a book and nursed him for awhile. Today, in stark contrast, I have holed up in the bedroom with the baby, a playmat, a burp rag, my book and my computer. I've turned off the phones and we're having a lovely afternoon-just the two of us. And it's perfect.

I've known for a lot of years now that I need a lot of down time to stay happy. And I'm finally figuring out how to find that as a mother too.