Not For The Easily Embarrassed

I give you fair warning-this post is explicit. If you are the type who is easily embarrassed or who is related to me, you may wish to skip reading it.






That having been said...




One of the things that no one ever tells you about getting married is that it takes multiple people to use the restroom in a wedding gown. Personally, this is the first thing I talk to prospective brides about because it was the one thing no one told me about and figuring it out took several tries. There's a reason you have your very dearest friends in your bridal party-it's so that one can hold up the dress and the other can tell you when you're over the toilet.

One of the things no one told me about being pregnant was that there would come a time when washing would become difficult. Usually I soap and then lean back a little to allow good water coverage for rinsing. Trouble is, even when I lean back the water doesn't really get there. I've tried spreading my behind and attempting it that way but it doesn't really rinse that way either. I've had to give up and use a washcloth. Also, I haven't actually scrubbed my feet in about two weeks because I don't have the balance. I can't see them so I just assume they're getting pretty clean standing in the water.

Putting on pants is fun too. Edward has his head pretty firmly in my pelvis - at least the midwives can't find it when they palpate it so we assume that's where it is. If I give birth to a baby with no head that'll be something else entirely. But I digress, Edward is vertical. And his back is facing out toward my stomach. This means he doesn't bend particularly well. It literally feels like I have a cement block in my abdomen that I'm trying to bend around. I can lift my legs up, but I can't bend in half. Thus, I stand and contemplate my balance for several long moments before quickly lifting a leg and shoving it into my pants. Then I repeat this procedure for the other leg. My husband assures me it looks as silly as I think it does. I may have to admit defeat soon and begin sitting down to get dressed. I'm still putting on socks but it gets more difficult every day and I think I may be rapidly approaching the horizon where if I don't have help I may just go barefoot in my shoes. I suppose all of this is to teach me to ask for and accept help before the baby comes so that I'll be used to it.

Last night I was having contractions most of the night. Lots of pressure in my abdomen meant I kept having to get up to use the restroom. The contraction part meant I couldn't find a comfortable place to sleep in between visits. It was a very long night. My only consolation is that, judging by his movements, Edward thought it sucked just as much. I did finally manage to get some relatively uniterrupted sleep this morning for a few hours and I'm lucky enough to be able to nap this afternoon so I shouldn't complain too much; but, hey, it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.

We have to move out of the hotel tomorrow and poor Jon will be back to sleeping in bed with me. Everyone take a moment to pity the man because I get up and down more than the cats do. In fact, he may end up bedding down on the spare bed with the cats to get some rest. Thank heavens for king sized beds since I now require at least three or four pillows to get comfortable. We get to bring home our cats on Saturday and we need to pick up the rats tomorrow. We should be able to meet up with our friends who've been watching the guinea pigs and the birds sometime soon as well so I'll have my animal family back together again. And then we just need to pick some paint colors, order our new ikea furniture and reassemble the house! Piece of cake right?! I get exhausted just contemplating it. At least it's all of our stuff and it's in our garage and we can take our time unpacking.

And I may not have mentioned it lately, or you know, ever, but I'm so looking forward to finally meeting this little cement block. I cannot wait to see his cute little pointed head!

And You Thought Prophylactics Were Embarrassing

Today the fun of pregnancy hit an all new level when I went to the pharmacy and picked up some supplies for birth.

First I stocked up on the Preparation H, and then the stool softener (I'm told it's a neccessity for the first few days post-birth).

And then Internet, I got to go to the incontinence aisle and find pads and underwear. Awesome. There are these nifty pads that spread out flat and are waterproof. These were recommended for putting on the bed before labor in case your water breaks while you're in bed, and then after to absorb any lochia leaks. And let me tell you, you haven't begun to have fun until you're standing there reading the Depends packaging to try to figure out which size you need.

I also returned to my car after lunch to find that someone had parked too close to my car on the driver's side for me to get in. Fortunately, I was able to climb in on the passenger side and climb over the center console. It was neither pretty nor graceful. 36 weeks pregnant is not the time to be attempting to climb over anything...

Yup, it was a banner day.

Still So Pregnant

I'm still pregnant. I caught a cold last week that I'm pretty sure has left me with a sinus infection. This is in addition to the nasal swelling that I've had for the duration of my pregnancy. Hooray. Now I can't breathe AND it hurts. Wow, how much fun are we having? This time I went ahead and took tylenol sinus during the worst of the cold. I noticed that the baby's movements slowed down those days so I only used it during the worst three days. He's back to randomly knocking me around so I'm pretty sure he's fine. My sinuses were so swollen that for those three days even my husband commented on it. You know you're sick when your husband notices your facial swelling.

Tomorrow I'm off to the doctor in hopes of obtaining meds for the sinus infection. At least the visible swelling has gone down.

I'm retaining fluids like a crazy thing though so my hands and feet look like sausages. And I ache all over. My joints continue to soften and loosen and my pelvis is moving quite a bit. I'm so ready for labor to start.

I'm also convinced that I'm giving birth to Gumby. That or a baby whose major parts are connected with silly putty. This is the only explanation I can come up with for the fact that I'm frequently getting pummeled in three disparate places simultaneously.

Have I mentioned that I'm ready to be done?

Final Baby Class

This week's class was also our last class (yay!) and it went well. We got a lot of really helpful information about the first few weeks postpartum and how to cope with all of that. We did have a thirty minute labor practice (it was scripted and everything) but she passed it out and let us talk through it on our own. So Jon and I discussed a few things, I got a back rub, and then we were done. The script even called for you to look at your partner and announce, "I can't do this anymore." and then see what your partner would say. Jon said, "OK, let's go home." Which I guarantee will happen at least once during labor. Most likely followed by a "But since we're here why not have another contraction while I have someone look for the keys."

Our flooring materials are being delivered today. For whatever reason the company decided it would be better to make three trips from Tukwila to Kirkland with one crew, instead of multiple trucks or one crew and one really big truck. The first load didn't arrive until twelve thirtyish so they're not doing very well. I don't think the third load is arriving today since I'm still waiting for the second.

We had friends over last night for dinner and then they helped Jon move stuff to the garage and disassemble our china cabinet. Thanks guys, you rock! I'm feeling better now that I can see a bit of progress and I think Jon is too. Although he's still upset because he doesn't think he's getting enough done here or at work. If we ever do this again I will suggest that we schedule it a little more carefully and he can use a couple of vacation days.

I'm really looking forward to my trip this weekend. I'm going to Salish Lodge on Sunday and staying til Tuesday morning. While there, I'm having several spa treatments. Should be an awesome time!