Not For The Easily Embarrassed

I give you fair warning-this post is explicit. If you are the type who is easily embarrassed or who is related to me, you may wish to skip reading it.






That having been said...




One of the things that no one ever tells you about getting married is that it takes multiple people to use the restroom in a wedding gown. Personally, this is the first thing I talk to prospective brides about because it was the one thing no one told me about and figuring it out took several tries. There's a reason you have your very dearest friends in your bridal party-it's so that one can hold up the dress and the other can tell you when you're over the toilet.

One of the things no one told me about being pregnant was that there would come a time when washing would become difficult. Usually I soap and then lean back a little to allow good water coverage for rinsing. Trouble is, even when I lean back the water doesn't really get there. I've tried spreading my behind and attempting it that way but it doesn't really rinse that way either. I've had to give up and use a washcloth. Also, I haven't actually scrubbed my feet in about two weeks because I don't have the balance. I can't see them so I just assume they're getting pretty clean standing in the water.

Putting on pants is fun too. Edward has his head pretty firmly in my pelvis - at least the midwives can't find it when they palpate it so we assume that's where it is. If I give birth to a baby with no head that'll be something else entirely. But I digress, Edward is vertical. And his back is facing out toward my stomach. This means he doesn't bend particularly well. It literally feels like I have a cement block in my abdomen that I'm trying to bend around. I can lift my legs up, but I can't bend in half. Thus, I stand and contemplate my balance for several long moments before quickly lifting a leg and shoving it into my pants. Then I repeat this procedure for the other leg. My husband assures me it looks as silly as I think it does. I may have to admit defeat soon and begin sitting down to get dressed. I'm still putting on socks but it gets more difficult every day and I think I may be rapidly approaching the horizon where if I don't have help I may just go barefoot in my shoes. I suppose all of this is to teach me to ask for and accept help before the baby comes so that I'll be used to it.

Last night I was having contractions most of the night. Lots of pressure in my abdomen meant I kept having to get up to use the restroom. The contraction part meant I couldn't find a comfortable place to sleep in between visits. It was a very long night. My only consolation is that, judging by his movements, Edward thought it sucked just as much. I did finally manage to get some relatively uniterrupted sleep this morning for a few hours and I'm lucky enough to be able to nap this afternoon so I shouldn't complain too much; but, hey, it's my blog and I'll whine if I want to.

We have to move out of the hotel tomorrow and poor Jon will be back to sleeping in bed with me. Everyone take a moment to pity the man because I get up and down more than the cats do. In fact, he may end up bedding down on the spare bed with the cats to get some rest. Thank heavens for king sized beds since I now require at least three or four pillows to get comfortable. We get to bring home our cats on Saturday and we need to pick up the rats tomorrow. We should be able to meet up with our friends who've been watching the guinea pigs and the birds sometime soon as well so I'll have my animal family back together again. And then we just need to pick some paint colors, order our new ikea furniture and reassemble the house! Piece of cake right?! I get exhausted just contemplating it. At least it's all of our stuff and it's in our garage and we can take our time unpacking.

And I may not have mentioned it lately, or you know, ever, but I'm so looking forward to finally meeting this little cement block. I cannot wait to see his cute little pointed head!