Thinking and Wishing and Hoping and Praying

Lately, I've been missing horses. A lot. I'm not riding currently and I miss it. I'm also not volunteering at Little Bit Therapuetic Riding Center in classes right now so I don't even get to groom! My friends who have horses either live farther than I really want to drive, or they keep them at the old barn where I am persona non grata. I never really made the kind of friends at the new barn that you can call and say, "hey, I really miss horses, can I come and lean on yours for awhile?"

This has led me to spending a great deal of time on the internet, looking at sales ads and thinking about what I'm looking for in my next equine partner. Not that I'll be getting one for quite some time. Sadly, we're at LEAST a year out from that idea. My husband has agreed that I can start riding lessons again as soon as I'm feeling physically fit but he worries about me meeting time committments with both the horse and the baby at first. Which is a fair concern but not one I like to admit to. I will confess to you, Internet, that this is concern of mine as well. I want to be responsible horse owner and I can't afford to have someone work my horse multiple days a week so I need to be in a position to do so. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime, I've been thinking and imagining my "perfect" horse.

No, not perfect in the sense of never misbehaves; but perfect in the sense of ideally suited to me. This becomes a far more interesting problem when I realize I'm not even sure what my life will be like in a year. I have no idea what kind of free time I'll have or be able to create for myself. I do know that I will want horses in my life.

I've had so many well-meaning people tell me to just give it up, that I won't be able to ride while my child is young, or even get back to riding at all! It seems like everyone knows someone who had a baby and disappeared forever from the equine world. I don't see that happening in my case. If my love of horses and my desire to ride has survived discovering boys and going to college and getting married and having a job; then I simply don't see this aspect of my life disappearing. I may make a decision to only ride once or twice a week in lessons for awhile for everyone's sanity but I do think I'll own a horse again. My non-horsey friends don't understand the appeal and just nod and say "oh, but wait until the baby comes, then you'll feel differently." My horsey friends also just nod and say "oh, but wait until the baby comes, then you'll feel differently." This happens until I want to scream!

But then I take a deep breath and go to my happy place-a cosy stall on a crisp fall afternoon with a happy horse eating hay-and I remember that I get to choose how to spend my free time. Which only leads me back again to considering my next horse.

Next time I would like a horse who is not as spooky. I don't like spooking in general, but legitimately scary things (not, for example, a shadow) happen in the world and I accept that. I would like a horse who just needs to look at something for a moment and then can continue on. I want a horse who is physically up to the work of lower-level dressage. I would like a horse that has a higher level of training than I do (given that I was just about up to first level work this doesn't seem unobtainable on my budget). Oh, and I'd like a horse that I can afford to keep. Something with good, strong feet who stands politely for the farrier. A horse that is great for the vet and enjoys the grooming process. I'd like smooth gaits that are easy for me to sit. I want a horse that enjoys his/her job. And I want a horse that likes spending time with me.

Oh yes, and I want it all within my budget!

But, in the meantime, I'll settle for books and magazines and the internet. And, next spring, an understanding trainer with solid school horses.

I'm Becoming a Mouth-Breather

And I blame the baby for this. Evidently pregnancy causes your sinuses to swell. No one told me about this. Which is good because I might have changed my mind if I had known I would have a sinus headache everyday for six months! Ugh. Afrin and I are becoming quite good friends. As it wears off however, my nasal passages close and I find myself breathing through my mouth on a regular basis.

Yes Internet, I am become a mouth-breather. Oh, Huzzah!

Yesterday was our eighth anniversary and to celebrate we went to dinner at The Melting Pot, which is a fondue restaurant. With my allergies we have to skip the cheese and chocolate but we had good salads and an awesome main course. And while we were there a family sat down across the aisle from us with a baby who couldn't have been more than a week old. I melted and Jon pointed out THAT was the goal here. Sometimes I get so bogged down in not feeling well that I forget we're having a baby! An actual baby! Which is frightening and amazing and awe-inspiring!

But I still hate the mouth-breathing!

Winning the Fight

The baby continues in its efforts to make me throw up. Just about every evening at 8:30 the battle begins!

Now, I'm very proud that I have not yet given in to this physical demand. I would rather wear wet underwear AND wet socks than throw up. And since we began the second trimester, I have been feeling better most of the day. However, every evening (well, 6 out of 7), the gagging begins. Internet, I cannot express to you how difficult this makes falling asleep!

In addition to this challenge, my abdomen aches nearly all the time. I know this is normal, as my uterus expands and my ligaments loosen; but, oy, it aches! I can't get comfortable and if I do finally manage it, then I wake up gagging or I have to get out of bed to use the bathroom! I'm so over these symptoms already and we have many more months to go (March!).

On the plus side, last night I sneezed and the baby rolled around for about 35 seconds! I've felt it move before but it's been like trying to catch minnows with your hand-a quick flash or wriggle and then it's gone. But last night, I could feel it very clearly. And then I gagged and had to get out of bed to pee....